submission to reality
is an example of good
behavior, and submission
to God, an example of
lunacy. What do I choose?
Can I choose or must I dive
back into the sludge-pool, struggling to
surface and keep the stench from moving in,
Rage that takes me on a round-about,
adopting a slice of indignation coupled with
the exhausting sigh of failure.
Is this my path? I have tried
for a quarter of a century to brave it, be my best self
in it, and it works for a while, but never for long,
never before long when it ties me to its destruction,
grows things inside of me I cannot eradicated or soothe.
It can’t be another year without mercy,
another conviction, revelation
dashed to shards against the wall.
I can’t be another lost cause,
my entrapment a burden to all
who love me, where I am given two options
– hide my suffering or spread it –
no relief for me, harming my loved ones
with my vile and personal conundrum.
I can’t make it another day, flat out
giving myself over to this wretched occupation.
I will die tomorrow if I continue on,
this unmovable rock.
Copyright © 2022 by Allison Grayhurst
First published in “Winamop” June 2022
You can listen to the poem by clicking below: