This prayer was the last prayer
devoured and regurgitated into a lie.
Hearts I voted on
desired safety above courage, avoidance
above truth and speculation above action.
Two-fold was this falsehood, this
pollination of pitiful love.
Drug-induced, polluted with vagueness
and amoral substitutes for honour.
I believed in you, comforted you
in your wanderings and in your torture.
But this river has gone undernourished,
dried into a barely moving stream.
What was grand and glorious,
a life source for a whole ecosystem,
now strides without gusto or usefulness.
Liar at the full moon.
Liar when you hide in your fantasy,
and then you lie again and hiding it,
say it does not count but it counts,
each lie builds a bed, littered with compost,
bars that block the view from the sky.
Everything I thought was strong,
has ended in this infestation,
as you play-act queen light warrior,
indulging in ego-feeding conspiracy theories,
harming truth, defiling acts of other people’s courage.
So much suffering, whitewashed,
arrogantly dismissed, by you,
doubtless in your cult-convictions,
saying ‘awakening!”, building platforms
on top of platforms –
a grotesque paradigm of crazy,
where you have all the answers
and I have nothing left
to hope for or to say.
Copyright © 2020 by Allison Grayhurst
First published in “Rasa Literary Review, Issue 1” October 2020
You can listen to the poem by clicking below: